Archive for the ‘Faith’ Category

Why Must We Suffer?


posted by on Faith, Thoughts, Uncategorized


I settle in to my rocker and thoughts swirl in my mind. Having just scanned through Facebook, I’m left stunned. I don’t know why today, any more than any other day, but I’m struck by the suffering in this world. Why must we all suffer so? My fat and healthy 3rd born nuzzles in closer. We’ve had a lazy morning, after a long spring rain last night. Playing blocks, rearranging momma’s cabinets for her, a breakfast of blueberries, eggs & coffee for momma. I get a roast seared and into the crockpot and little miss is demanding her nap. It was a long night of teething and waking and rocking. I sit in the dimness of her room as she nurses contentedly, thinking about loss. My tears land on her perfect round, white cheeks. Tears for a momma whose toddler passed in her arms, 2 years after suffering a cardiac arrest and living, just to die quietly and suddenly one morning. ¬†Why must we suffer? A couple’s prayed-for baby boy is born with only the left side of his heart. What anguish? Friends in Texas walk in faith as their 4th child is born with the same condition that killed their 3rd sweet angel before his first birthday. Only a few weeks old and she needs a lung transplant. Why Lord? Our simple minds cannot connect these dots in reconciliation to our hearts. We cannot. Why do I sit here, blessed beyond comprehension, rocking peacefully as others are wretched with the ache of empty arms. Is it all for your glory God? For so long this concept has plagued me. How can such pain and suffering glorify You? Why is it that walking through the valley of the shadow of death is necessary to fear no evil? It struck me in the silence this morning. And maybe I’m a slow learner. But is this brokenness simply to draw for us a striking contrast to the wholeness and the perfection of Christ? And then, for Christ to point to the Heavens and say, “Look, I come from a place that is whole, that is perfect, that is peace beyond your understanding. My Father, the King, is the source of perfection, which you desperately long for and cannot find on this earth. He is the maker of that bundle in your arms, seemingly perfect to you, but a sinner in need of saving just the same. That sweet bundle is just a glimpse of the Father, of His perfection, of His love for you. You cannot understand it all, but that baby is just a hint, a glimpse. The feelings aroused in your heart at the warm scent of your beloved’s fuzzy head, it’s just a fraction of what the Father feels when you lift your voice to Him. He just wants you to nuzzle in, draw near to Him. He will call you to your true home with the ultimate comforter in the blinking of an eye.” I can’t lie, some days my human brain feels desperately discouraged by this reality. But it’s that very desperation that keeps me searching, longing pushing on in search of the Lord and the hope that only He can give me.

Mark 9

23) Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”

24) “Lord I believe! Save me from my unbelief!”

A Beautiful Mess


posted by on Create, Faith


We were playing outside today at a friends house when one of the girls screams out that she made a huge discovery…a caterpillar crawling along the deck railing! All the littles go charging at once to see this exciting find. My oldest comes back around in about 3 seconds and I hear “ugh that’s disgusting.” I was a little surprised at this response from my nature journaling child, so I said, “I thought you loved caterpillars and bugs?!” She proceeded to inform me that this one was fat, brown and fuzzy. And it was dis-GUS-ting. Without a hesitation I gave her the mom remark, “Well sweetie, something beautiful will come out of that ugly caterpillar very soon. And I know you love butterflies.” She went on about her bike riding with no more on the fatty. I sat there thinking, “I was fat, brown and fuzzy until you were born. And look at you!” (She was born in late July so I floated all summer and literally baked a bun in the oven.) I let my mind wonder to all the things in my life that I would consider fat or ugly or a mess altogether. Most of my life would fit those categories really. In truth, all of ours would. That friend who’s house I sat at, had invited me over that very morning to help her organize and re-decorate her house. She said she felt like she couldn’t get her #@!$ together and she didn’t know what was wrong with her. Let me tell you, there is nothing wrong with this girl. She makes homemade bread, (not in a bread maker) every week, she brews kombucha tea at home, she thrifts and bulk shops, she teaches her kids things that would never even enter my brain! And yet she feels not good enough or inadequate because interior decorating is not her forte! Don’t we all do this to ourselves on some front? This year I am so excited to embark on the journey of embracing my story, messes and all. The Creator made me who I am, in His image. Which means I am creator as well. Creativity takes time and usually a mess. And I’m ok with that. Most days I feel like that poor caterpillar inching along, fat, fuzzy and disgusting. But I am encouraged that the Lord tells me I am His masterpiece. He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so I could do the good things he planned for me long ago. In His eyes, I am already that beautiful butterfly. And I will fly. It is for freedom I have been set free. {Reference Eph 2:10}


Epic, the polyphemus moth we found on the lower deck last week, giving us a one eyed wink.